I always went to church. God was a part of my life, but I didn't really now much about Him. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to learn about it. You know, I didn't really care.

I was really seeking to be accepted in life. I remember seeing my peers, you know the people I kind of looked up to, they had everything. They were drinking, they were doing all these things and they were popular, they had all the pretty women and so in order for me to feel accepted, I had to continue to drink and do those things.

I didn't feel comfortable being sober eventually because that's not who Jay Ripp was. Jay Ripp was the guy that drank, partied...I fell through a barn one night and I landed on my head. I woke up in the morning, I go to stand up and this time it's different. I have a lump in my back. I have a bulge, I'm trying to move around...I get up finally and when I found my friend in his house, he took me to the hospital because he knew something was wrong.

I spent the next week in the hospital. I had surgeries and the surgeon told me eventually, "There's no reason you should be able to walk right now." He said, "Somebody must be watching out for you." 

One, two, three months went by and I started feeling much better. I still had those thoughts, you know? I still had all those doubts and I started drinking and I started getting hammered and started going down the same path.

Every time I drank, I just started fighting. And then eventually I got in this fight and, to be a man, you can't get your butt kicked, right? And I got my butt kicked in front of family, friends and it was just so embarrassing to me. I said that's it. I've got to stop.

I started going to counseling. She started explaining to me that this world is just a bunch of lies. Billboards show that, you know, what a women is supposed to look like or what a man is supposed to be. And that's not true, because God made us exactly how He made us and He loves every single one of us. And I even knew that back then. And that actually helped me start getting through this. And when she asked me, "What do you believe in?" I said, "I think I believe in God." 

I went to a church. There was a guy up on stage and he was preaching right out of the Bible. I couldn't believe what was in the Bible. I've never opened it, I've never known about it. I just went to church when I was growing up and read. I slept the whole time, you know. What I heard, eventually, I just start going back. And eventually it just hit me. No matter where I am and no matter what I've done, Jesus Christ still chose to die for me.

And that was amazing to hear because all the stuff that I've done in the past, in the traditional church of what I was kind of taught, I was going to hell. You know, the stuff that I did? I was screwed. But when I found that hope that Christ forgives me? That if I put my faith and hope in Him I can start over fresh, I can start over new. It was, it was...I needed that.

I had so much guilt, so much shame, so much hurt. I asked Jesus to come into my life and I got to learn who God is and His love and His forgiveness and His grace and His mercy. Oh, it was such a good feeling. I felt hope again. I felt hope again.